stupid recklessness

I'm really stupid at times. And look where it got me now.. I hate the feeling of awkwardness. I feel like shit. And its partially my fault.. I thought WE are ok.. but now, right now.. I feel as though he wants to yell and scream at me.

I hope things will get better. I cannot take all this negative energy.. It's not fair to him at all. I don't like being home now.. It just makes me cringe and want to cry. I can't stay here.. I need to leave. I actually want to be on campus right now. Just sitting there, though possibly bored, but at least I'd be away from here.

Maybe if I get a job, and save enough money I can leave? I really want to move out and rent an apartment or something.. away from here. I've made up my mind.. Maybe next year, I'm hoping. They should'nt stop me from doing that. I WILL find a way to leave.. I feel incarcerated as of now. And I want to break free. I need to be with Daniel =(